Super Soak!!

We are still pursuing our adoption with the hopes it will happen soon. I am praying that this spring brings us "Joy" in the way of a tiny baby we can call our own. I'm still considering making business cards to give to local doctors, friends, family and churches to market our adoption efforts.  

In the meantime..... Charles and I began GPS Classes. What is that you ask? Certification to foster or foster to adopt. I know, crazy how God leads you in different directions than what you think. I grew up with the idea of family being DNA, you look like this relative or you remind someone of a grandparent already living in Heaven. It's amazing how God can change your perspective and your heart in a blink. The last few weeks have been difficult for me at work. I have this class that consists of a few children who can push my buttons. Well, after I was possessed by a crazy woman and was mean to a few kids. I've pleaded with God to help me not turn into that person again. Which lead me to a video from Katie Souza ministries on "Healing of the Soul". I ordered her book and it seems to be lost in the mail. The tracking number has stalled in Arizona. God is awesome and I found her teaching on YouTube. Woo Hoo!! If my technology skills are what I hope they are, I plan to attach the link - if not I will embed the first one at the end. So with all that being said... 

                                           (Oh Wow! I did it!) 

There seems to be about 21 episodes of her teaching about how to heal your soul wounds. She teaches that there are two keys to healing your soul. First, is the blood of Jesus and second is the resurrection power (dunamis power) we all have in us when we accept Christ. Many times we pray the blood of Jesus over us, we ask forgiveness and then we forget to pray the resurrection power to heal our soul of the sin wound or trauma. This teaching is new to me. Maybe you have been living it, but I have not been able to fully comprehend this until this week. I've listened and prayed her prayers for 5 episodes. I am loving my "Snow Day" that I have time to spend with Jesus to get my soul healed. 
I don't want to walk around easily offended by comments people say. I'll give two examples. Last Saturday, the hubs and I were at SAMS. We ran into a sweet couple and their new 6 week old baby. We haven't seen them in a least a year. The new dad says "Oh we found this little guy in the parking lot, so we thought we would bring him in and let him hang out with us." I know I should not have been offended, but the comment hurt. Oh, how I would love to find a stray baby (instead of a stray dog)!! It probably didn't help that we parked by a car that was running, with a car seat in the back seat and a blanket over the car seat so you couldn't see if a baby was in the seat. (SERIOUSLY!!!) Second, being a teacher we have a few adopted kids in our school. It's amazingly not that uncommon. A teacher made a comment about a child behavior then ended it with "well, she is adopted!" I was like "Oh no you didn't just say that!" like I'm trying to adopt here!! Can you please think before you speak!!! When I brought it to my teacher friend's attention she quickly apologized. With all this being said... I don't want to be the person everyone avoids because it's awkward being around me or that I'm so easily offended that I'm no fun.  I know that I need to be healed of my soul wounds. If you are interested in the Healing of your soul videos I found them on YouTube and search Katie Souza Healing. 

This week I found "joy" in knowing I have some wonderful co-workers that helped me out. I found "joy" in getting some well needed soul healing and some new tools to use in continuing my journey toward healing.

Enjoy!

Virginia

Heart Sick???

So I've been casting my care on the Lord a lot lately. Especially, with the trails of last week. I felt like I was put through the furnace and came out char-broiled!

I get emails from Patricia Kings Ministries and she gives a free video once in a while. This week it was about the secret to healing and provision. Katie Souza talked about wholeness of soul. It was a NOW word for me! I was so heart sick over my explosive behavior with one child in my room. What caused this breaking point?  Souza talks about how the Lord wants us to prosper and be in good health in every area of our lives. The key to this, according to 3 John 1:2 is "as your soul prospers". The Lord showed Souza that He wants to make our soul -mind, will, emotions, passions, desires - whole and aligned with Him. She states that the root of your problems or issues may be an issue of the soul. It was a wonderful episode and I highly recommend you go to xpministries.com and search for "Soul Decrees".  After listening and praying the prayer with Souza and King at the end, my week as been incredibly different. Is that same child "pushing all my buttons"? Yes! But, I see him the way Jesus sees him instead of through the eyes of "Virginia". I have been able to breath and not "explode" into something unrecognizable.  Another cool thing I found this week...I anointed my doorway with oil at the beginning of the year and again in October. On Monday, when I was hanging some heart streamers from my door  the oil cross was still  there with a bead of oil on the end. For me, this was confirmation that the Lord hears my cry for help! For all those who have been praying, I have felt the prayers and the sadness has lifted. I am planning on getting the book by Katie Souza "Soul Decrees".  I encourage you to check out the video on the website. I included the link at the bottom of the post.

 I am tired of being physically sick, emotionally drained, beat down and not seeing the miracles I have been praying for so diligently for many years. I had a stirring in my soul that this could be an answer to healing those "soul hurts".

This week I have found joy in knowing God hears my heart cry and that there is hope for this broken heart.

                                                            (another Pinterest find)
www.xpministries.com

Virginia

When things go wrong...

Why do things go wrong? Why do we make bad choices? Why do bad things happen to people who try so hard to do everything right? Why is the journey hard for some people and easy for others? This school year for this first grade teacher has been my hardest. I feel like it's me against everyone else. The culture of my classroom is not what I set it up to be. It's supposed to be this loving environment that is totally wonderful and everyone gets along (at least most of the time). But instead it is full of bickering, whining, talking smack and just plan rude children. It makes my head spin and I have found myself zoning out and going to a happy place in my mind. Then when I reach that point that I can't take anymore...I explode right along with the kids. I turn into something scary, mean, down right WRONG! So where I am right now is - how do I change the culture of my classroom? How do I cultivate a loving environment? After 20 years of teaching I feel like I can't manage the behavior mix in my classroom. This totally terrifies me! I've always been able to cultivate a safe loving environment in my classroom. I've never experienced this before. One thing I know is that I can't change the environment my students come from. I can't change their personalities. When I pray, the one thing that continues to come up is the story of the sower and the seed. All I can do is plant the seed. A seed to love and not fight. To listen and be open-minded to others' ideas instead of closed to only one way to think. All I can do is plant a seed that honesty and trust are the best route to take. This is all I can do as a teacher. But, how do I deal with the constant bickering? How to I handle the children who whine all day about everything? How do I deal with the rude comments about "why do we have to learn about this?" and "I want to have free time on my iPad!" 

Recently, I've wondered if I need to take time off. When I think about it, I can't stand the idea of missing out on the growth and the daily lives of my students. I do love each one of them. Even though it has been difficult. I don't want to leave them. I want them to succeed! I want them to learn and be happy children. So I know that it is not an option to run away. I know that God has me on this journey for a reason. I will make it through mistakes and all! Hopefully, these students will remember the love I've poured into them and the fun lessons. Prayerfully, one day the seeds I've planted will sprout in their lives and they will be principled, caring, happy people. 

This post has been a little difficult to write but in the writing of it I do feel better. I think I needed that! Sometimes it is hard to say how we feel and wonder if anyone really cares. So I can find joy in this week. The smile of my sweet husband. I'm thankful he is home and not on a work trip. 

Virginia

It's Been A While....

Life has been busy. This school year has been a tough one. This summer I had a wave of anxiety like never before. I couldn't stop thinking about my classroom and getting it organized (as I sit here remembering my heart begins to race). Why? Because this school year had such wonderful promise. I was in a new room, I was able to organize it the way I've always wanted, I had some great new ideas for my upcoming first graders. One never knows how grief will affect them until it does. It hit me first day back at work at the faculty retreat. I think that major melt down was in an earlier post. (yikes!) The school year began and I never felt completely prepared (what teacher does?), mostly due to this excessive anxiety to get it right, not show my hurt or sadness, my drive not to allow depression to enter my life for any reason. Then I meet my wonderful class. OH MY!! I have a very smart group of kiddos and a very active, hands on, don't take your eyes off group!  Which is such a challenge. Some days I am up for it and other days I fail HUGE!!  This past week I felt like such a failure as a teacher. Because we know the saying you always hear "Children may not remember what you say, what you did with them or for them, but they will remember how you make them feel."  This cuts my heart in a Ka-Jillion pieces!! I never want to hurt a child's heart or for them to think I'm mean. But lately...I feel mean! No excuses can be made. So how do I change??  I fight this "yucky" in me!  I dive head first, heart first, feet first into the word of God. How do I do all this first you may ask? You ball up and you cry out to God for forgiveness and ask Him to change your heart and to help you not to  become some evil teacher that you read about in books or fairy tales. With the  rise of teacher bashing, public school bashing and Common Core misunderstandings;  I don't want to fall into some crazy statistics!  All I can do is try to change my attitude. When you feel like all the hard work you are doing doesn't matter at all. It's tough! Then in December I learned that I had three types of strep along with Epstein Barr. Hello?! Not to mention some crazy virus only kids get. (Sometimes I think I'm in a battle zone of germs.) So that is why I've felt so horrible for months. All I wanted to do was sleep.  So  I began my quest to be even more healthy. So I started taking a plethora of vitamins, minerals, prebiotics and probiotics. So after finding all this out and beginning all these supplements. I take my dear friend to B'ham for knee surgery. On the way there I begin to feel kind of sick. I don't think too much of it. That night I can't sleep and my skin hurts. I run to the bathroom every 30 minutes (oh yeah, I forgot to mention I had crystals in my kidneys), and I'm feeling extremely yucky. The next day my friend has no idea I feel bad. I'm trying my hardest to pay attention to everything the doctor is saying about her because she is on some heavy pain meds. So the drive home is painful. I am feeling so bad. I know I am running a fever. So when I finally get home and take my temp ... OH MY 103.4!! Am I dying???? I never run fevers higher than 100. Well six weeks later I'm feeling better but still super tired, but not all the time. The sleepies hit me around 4 o'clock or some days 5 o'clock. So I know I am getting better. This makes me happy.

(A photo I found on Pinterest!)

 

So as I continue to fail in my mind, I have to tap into my spirit man which knows that I am not truly failing if I am working unto the Lord. The bible tells us "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, .......For it is the Lord that you are serving"...Colossians 3:23-24.  Everyday, I do my best to work unto the Lord and not rely on human praise. Some days, I fail at this!! I am human. Right?! I want to know that I have done a good job. I am trying to be excellent in my job. But this year I have been tested. Some times I pass and most days I feel like I have failed. Why? Because I'm still grieving? Because I am exhausted? Yes to both. But I will never give up trying to be my best and do my best. Oh and I find JOY in knowing that God forgives me and finds a way for that child that I hurt to also forgive me because I asked for forgiveness.

 

 So once again I have wowed you with my most inner ramblings.

If you can, pray that I can get rid of this Epstein Barr for good! Also, pray that I can reach my goal weight finally and be the healthiest me ever!!

Thanks for reading!

 

Virginia