Waiting!!! Once Again?!

So, it's been a month since we went active. So once again we find ourselves in this waiting time. Have I been here before? Yes!!! Do I really have to do this again, God? Yes! Why? I haven't figured that out yet. Except, God's timing is perfect. I met Charles on the perfect day, at the perfect time, in the perfect year. "God's timing" not mine.

So, what am I doing in the waiting? I scrubbed floors, stained a bookcase, spent countless hours with my best friend Jesus and Charles, walk/jog over 6 miles a day, bought a bicycle, practice guitar(not as much as I need to) and meet with friends. Oh, and I've begun to "Find Joy" in my life and the lives of the people around me. I'm coming out of the grief of where I've been. The darkness has now become hopeful. I've pondered this blog post for several weeks and have many drafts that may never get published. I can sense God using me to help others through "stuff". I've learned over the last few weeks that Joy really does come... not always the morning after suffering but it does come.

This song by Laura Hackett is just amazing. I hope it will bless you as it has blessed me. I've searched the word of God this summer for answers to my whys. Have they all been answered? No. Because sometimes we just have to have faith. I reached my dark night of the soul and cried out "God are you real?" My spirit already knew but my flesh was wrestling with God and what we have experienced over the last year and a half. Today, at church a realization that I have been like the Prodigal son's brother. Always there, doing the right stuff but angry when others get what my heart desires. God has been showing me to let go and let peace back into my heart, soul and head! This morning on my walk which slowly became a jog and I actually jogged 2 miles! (woot! woot!), God spoke gently to me about allowing his peace to fluid through me again. He reminded me of how amazing I used to feel when I carried his peace with me throughout my days.  As I let this peace fluid through me. I realized this amazing thing happened:  my heart and God's heart got back into rhythm together. See....we have been out of sync for a while (all my fault). For the first time in about 12 months my heart doesn't hurt, it hasn't gotten out of rhythm all day, I was able to run without stopping. Why? Over the past year while I would run I would feel as if my heart would beat so fast I couldn't breathe. Today, I was in perfect rhythm with my Heavenly Father as I allowed his perfect peace to flood through me like a nice summer breeze. Does this mean my grieving period is over? Probably not! But, it does mean that I am ok and will be ok. Even in the waiting!!  My hope is that my meltdowns will be fewer, I won't cry myself to sleep as often and that I will again be able to sense God in my everyday life and be a useful vessel of His love instead of a puddle of "self-pity"!

So if you are waiting on something huge in your life, my advice is to spend the waiting with Jesus. I'm His favorite one and so are you! Find the rhythm of His heart in your life. Look for "joy" in your day. Let His peace flood through you like the gentle breeze from the ocean. He is just waiting patiently for you!

Please continue to pray that a birth mom will choose us soon! Yes I am walking in peace but I long to be a mommy. I just can't wait to meet this precious baby!

In His love,
Virginia